“Love is letting go of fear.” – Gerald Jampolsky
Yesterday at a friend’s house I opened one of those books of quotes and this was what greeted me. It seemed appropriate. Today is Valentine’s Day, so I have been thinking a lot about love. And this past year I have been dancing a lot with fear. A year ago tomorrow I started my first round of chemotherapy. I have had a complex, layered relationship with fear this year. Being in fear. Avoiding fear. Accepting fear. Embracing fear. Releasing fear.
And then there’s love. Love. At a ceremony today a wise woman shared: “Love is the absence of judgement and the awareness of compassion.” And, I thought, Love is the opposite of fear. A year ago today, in anticipation of the coming five months of chemo, I threw a “Kicking the Sh*t out of A** Cancer Party”. I knew I wanted to sing and dance and celebrate all things joyous, and mostly to be surrounded by the people I loved. It was a scary time, carrying all the horrible things that could befall me as a result of this chemo and the anxiety of the impending nausea and sickety sick sick sickiness. Something inside me knew that being in community with those I loved would help. And it did.
My family. My friends. Dear dear friends who have had my back since high school hopped a flight from DC with a moments’ notice. Friends drove across the state in a blizzard.
When love meets fear and accepts it, love wins and fear fades. And it comes in the big moments: walking the plank, weathering the bad news… but it is also in the daily offerings: in a breakfast waffle, the coziness of a cafe, and the beauty of a nature hike. It has been challenging for me to write recently. There is so much I want to share, and so much thanks to offer and I haven’t known where to begin. But on this glorious day, in the spirit of love, I just give what I have to give. A start. A new start.
I hold such gratitude for my friends and family who have stood by me this year and showered me with love. It really really really makes a difference.
Love wins.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you eminently lovable loves!
Love breeds love, baby! and you are a friggin’ petri dish of LOVE…
Back atcha, Annie!
Great post, Allison — keep on keepin’ on!
Thanks, Nick! Will do.
Well put, Allison!
Great piece of writing, I love it.
Sometimes in the midst of life’s worst experiences we find gifts. It seems that you have found many. You are very special!
Allison, so delighted to see you’ve emerged from the chemo cave with your hope, love, insight and talent intact. Cancer changes us (and frustratingly, it’s often “the gift that keeps on giving” after it’s gone–and the souvenirs often aren’t those we’d have chosen to take with us from that journey). Your courage, hope and humor inspired me through my own acute treatment (a walk in the park compared to your Hundred Mile March). Slowly getting my own music back in gear, adapting to new challenges that (hopefully) only I will notice behind the scenes. Hope to see you back at FARM in October.
Peace & song,
Sandy